Wait. So, he files the hot dogs independently of the hot dog buns, but it appears as though he files the condiments along with the hot dog? If you’re going to file things separately I don’t know why you wouldn’t go the extra mile and file the condiments separately as well. But then again, I am applying logic to a man with a folder of hot dog.
When my son was born, the first night we spent at home, I was up most of the night terrified about the inconsequential slant to the bassinet mattress. I was thoroughly convinced that he was going to roll onto his stomach in the middle of the night, as a 4-day old, and suffocate himself. This was a complete and utter joke of a thought, but at the time I was this close to getting out a construction leveler and straight up shaving off portions of the mattress until it was at an exact zero degree slant. I think I have a tendency to dwell on things that don’t actually matter, and when I suddenly had a 4-day old I actually legit slipped into a short-term insanity that took me about a year to come out of. In short, nobody should have babies ever, because things would be so much easier and we’d all be so much better adjusted.
I have never completely forgotten someone that I dated. I do feel like this would be hard to do, unless you either date a tremendous amount of people or are aggressively rude. What I have done is completely forgotten about people that I used to be fringe friends with, or people that I basically grew up with, going to the same classes for upwards of 10 years. I know this borders on me sounding like a straight-up jerk, but I’m sure I also act as the forgotten in other’s minds also, so it’s whatevs. Like, I went to a party back in my hometown two years after I graduated high school, and I ended up talking to this girl who I knew that I was supposed to know and I couldn’t remember her name or anything about her. In writing this out I’m realizing, rather alarmingly, that this may be more a symptom of a memory issue than anything else.
Shirseys that I have owned: Karl Malone, Ken Griffey Jr., Chipper Jones, Cal Ripken Jr., Matt Wieters. I feel like this is information that should be out there if I’m going to continue writing/drawing this comic and if you’re going to continue reading it. Like, if it’s 2028, and I’m like 4,500 strips in, and you’ve been following me all this time and you somehow find out this information… It’s just going to change the entire dynamic that we’ve developed with each other. I don’t want to betray you like that, so I’m being upfront. I just like to lay my cards out on the table in an honest fashion. And so we’re clear, in this analogy my cards are actually shirseys. And ‘laying them out on the table’ is just me wearing them my whole life, completely unabashedly.
