Sarge Archives - Page 11 of 13

CUPS 24: Café Mange Savoureux

Yes, mmm-hmm… Wow, yes, that’s really impressive. OK, ma’am, can I stop you right there? I really think it’s great that Mr. Flynn was doodling at such an early age… The skinny Crayolas, you say? Yes, very interesting. Anyway, I do think that it would be best if we could… Ma’am? Ma’am, we’ve been over this, Mr. Flynn’s high-school dating history really has no relevance to our hiring of him. Yes, I… Yes, I’m sure she was a very nice girl. Look, I’m sorry to cut you off, here, but I think I have all the information I need. Also, this has been by far and away the most unprofessional reference I’ve ever been given.

CUPS 20: Dirk Frost: Ski Cop

Coming up tonight, on CBS — at 8:00, Frost and the Ski Patrol need to catch the perpetrator in a quadruple homicide. Armed only with a gut feeling and loose forensics implication, Frost is led off ski trail to a the hideout of noted drug kingpin Esteban Cabrera. What he finds is more than he could ever had expected. At 9:00 is America’s most watched new comedy, Mr. Edinson, about a farmer and his son, Davis, who switches places with the family horse, ironically named Mr. Ed. Hilarity ensues. At 9:30, You’ve seen Two Broke Girls, now get ready for the spin off series Three Broke Girls. Join Jessie, Jessie 2 and Bianca as they try to navigate through New York City on less than 17 dollars a day for reasons unclear. CBS — America’s Most Watched Station for some reason.

CUPS 19: Cat Anus

If you own a cat, and you don’t think seriously about sitting anywhere that cat has been, then you’re either super chill or just not realizing how little there is between the end of these creatures’ digestive systems and the rest of the world. I’m uncomfortable just thinking about how many things in my apartment my cats’ anuses have touched. Because the reality is that it’s probably everything.

CUPS 16: Claire

I have never completely forgotten someone that I dated. I do feel like this would be hard to do, unless you either date a tremendous amount of people or are aggressively rude. What I have done is completely forgotten about people that I used to be fringe friends with, or people that I basically grew up with, going to the same classes for upwards of 10 years. I know this borders on me sounding like a straight-up jerk, but I’m sure I also act as the forgotten in other’s minds also, so it’s whatevs. Like, I went to a party back in my hometown two years after I graduated high school, and I ended up talking to this girl who I knew that I was supposed to know and I couldn’t remember her name or anything about her. In writing this out I’m realizing, rather alarmingly, that this may be more a symptom of a memory issue than anything else.

CUPS 15: Shirseys

Shirseys that I have owned: Karl Malone, Ken Griffey Jr., Chipper Jones, Cal Ripken Jr., Matt Wieters. I feel like this is information that should be out there if I’m going to continue writing/drawing this comic and if you’re going to continue reading it. Like, if it’s 2028, and I’m like 4,500 strips in, and you’ve been following me all this time and you somehow find out this information… It’s just going to change the entire dynamic that we’ve developed with each other. I don’t want to betray you like that, so I’m being upfront. I just like to lay my cards out on the table in an honest fashion. And so we’re clear, in this analogy my cards are actually shirseys. And ‘laying them out on the table’ is just me wearing them my whole life, completely unabashedly.