I don’t know, man, if I was in this very specific situation playing this game and it gave me unbelievably apt information regarding my life right this second, no matter how good or bad the advice was I think I’d freak out and start looking for cameras in my house.
I don’t understand why you would play games to force you to drink. Back home we had a game we called ‘drink the beer’ — Shoutout to that girl I knew for like two weeks in junior year of college who said this one time who’s name I can’t remember.
Drinking always feels like it’ll help, but then you’re sitting there on the couch drinking your eighth beer and… What was it that was bothering me? Was it something about this Die Hard marathon I’ve been watching? Almost certainly not, nothing about Die Hard is ever anything but the best thing… Was I… Was I stressed about something? I’ll get back to you on that. Like, I feel like I’m forgetting something that was bothering me, but here I am watching Alan Rickman in the PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME and I just can’t for the life of me recall why I was so bummed in the first place. Hey, pass me that beer would you?
*Car pulls up, a woman excitedly steps out holding a dozen balloons
*Woman opens back door and pulls out a giant Edible Arrangements®
*Woman rings doorbell, giggling to herself
*’A LIST OF PROS AND CONS!’ She yells maniacally when you open the door, and runs away screaming with delight
*A separate van pulls up with two men in hospital-like clothing.
*One man steps out and corrals the woman who is running around deliriously while the other man pulls out a syringe.
*One man catches the woman in his arms as she squirms uncontrollably
*The other man injects the woman with whatever is in the syringe.
*The man slowly injects the serum and as the woman begins to lose consciousness, he sighs and whispers, slowly but audibly ‘…a list of pros and cons…’
Of all the things you could choose to do while on mushrooms, reality television ranks just between ‘literally watching paint dry’ and ‘organizing boxes of baseball cards’ as about the most boring, terrible waste of your experience.
