CUPS 31: The Cheeseburger Corollary

When you’re grilling burgers, always ask your guests if they don’t want cheese on their burgers. And then be sure to double check to make sure they don’t want you to steal money from their purse when they’re not looking. And then, to be absolutely positive, ask them if they aren’t completely certain they don’t want you to not make a move on their significant other. You will be the talk of the neighborhood. “He puts on the best party and should also hold a manners seminar” people will say.

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CUPS 28: Soak It All In

As a biker I’ve broken my collarbone, broken multiple helmets by landing on my head, and have suffered numerous roadrash scrapes and scratches. One thing I’m yet to experience, however, is being hit by a car. There’s always next summer.

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CUPS 27: Vicious Cycle

Between the lime/teal/magenta sign color scheme, the graffiti wall decor and the off-white chorded phone, Vicious Cycle looks like the most awesome hip bike hangout in 1998.

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CUPS 17: 6:45pm

Man, not sleeping is the worst thing. Have you ever just gotten back from a road trip, or had coffee too late in the day, or just torched some lines of cocaine and just not been able to sleep? I repeat, it is the absolute worst. When I was a young kid I had issues with anxiety. Not absurdly so, but I was a nervous little kid like I think a lot of little kids are nervous little kids. When I wouldn’t be able to sleep, though, that’s when I was the most anxious. If I wasn’t to sleep by a certain time I’d get anxious, and that would wake me up more and it would just be my own private hell, as far as that sort of thing goes for like 11-year old nervous kids.

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CUPS 16: Claire

I have never completely forgotten someone that I dated. I do feel like this would be hard to do, unless you either date a tremendous amount of people or are aggressively rude. What I have done is completely forgotten about people that I used to be fringe friends with, or people that I basically grew up with, going to the same classes for upwards of 10 years. I know this borders on me sounding like a straight-up jerk, but I’m sure I also act as the forgotten in other’s minds also, so it’s whatevs. Like, I went to a party back in my hometown two years after I graduated high school, and I ended up talking to this girl who I knew that I was supposed to know and I couldn’t remember her name or anything about her. In writing this out I’m realizing, rather alarmingly, that this may be more a symptom of a memory issue than anything else.

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